Oh yea, for decades now my spouse and I have had our snouts buried up to our little piggy ears in the public trough. For decades now, we've been parasitically feeding off the good, honest, hard working people of America. We've gamed the system and taken unfair advantage of the people who do the real work in our economy and grievously abused those American heroes who toil in obscurity in boardrooms, on trading floors, and in the corner offices of investment houses, hedge funds, "K Street" lobbying shops, and corporate law firms. While these selfless Americans labor with little reward or recognition, people like my spouse and I practice our loutish, oafish, lotus eating ways. What's even worse, we've fuse our vested sloth with our near-criminal incompetence. That's right America, we're educators, and we're here to pick your bones clean. How have we so thoroughly gummed-up an otherwise sleek market machine with our gray, dystopic, bureaucratic goo? Well:
- We first put our diabolical plan in place by spending years studying for advanced degrees at publicly funded universities (soaking up resources) while cravenly exploiting the student loan system in order to accumulate education-based debt in the six figures.
- Once we'd selfishly sucked the marrow out these public institutions, we then colonized them, seeking to institutionalize our lazy and wasty ways and assure lifetime sinecures of sloth. What better way to avoid real work and enjoy a long "career" of publicly funded laziness than to seize the controls of public institutions in the craven interest of perpetuating our unearned and undeserved privileges?
- To that end, one of us fiendishly chose to work in primary public education, focusing on the needs of students with learning disabilities, and spent decades designing and implementing Individualized Education Plans for children with learning challenges, including the rapidly growing cohort of children diagnosed with autism. In other words, part of our hellish plan has been to make our work appear to serve the needs of children and their parents. Of course, they are only pawns in our infernal game.
- But we went much further. While one of us was busy subverting the primary education system, the other one went to an even greater extreme and wrote a dissertation dealing with aspects of American labor history. Why? So that fancy degree-producing propaganda could then be used to leverage a sweet do-nothing job teaching at a public "research" university. That's right, first we seize the historical narrative, transform the past into a twisted leftist jeremiad, and then spend decades teaching our radical tripe to unsuspecting undergraduates. Over the decades we've sent our unsuspecting students off to work in the federal government, the law, state agencies providing services to the poor, the Peace Corps, you name it. That's right, we've programmed our personal army of Marxist robots to burrow deep into American institutions and transform them from within!
- And now, the coup de grâce: we've selfishly imposed additional work on our already over-worked university and district payroll personnel (stressing the publicly funded system with our insane demands) by requiring them to spend time recalculating our paychecks after we received generous 15% pay cuts and additional furlough days.
- Oh yea, we're bad. We're demonic Bolsheviks, diabolical job killers, fiendish elitists who want to eat your big fat slice of apple pie. If you doubt it, just ask those Cub Scouts over at the Club for Growth.